From Self-Sabotage to Self-Support: How to Grow with Compassion
- julieannecaterini
- Apr 28
- 4 min read
Updated: 6 days ago
It’s easy to believe that if we just plan better, work harder, or stay more disciplined, change will be simple. But real growth, the kind that lasts asks something different of us. It asks us to listen to the parts of ourselves that feel afraid. To notice the quiet moments when self-doubt or hesitation pulls us off course, not because we’re failing, but because something inside us is asking for care.
In today’s post, we’re diving into one of the most overlooked, yet essential parts of lasting change…
Emotional barriers and self-sabotage
Not from a place of judgment, but from deep compassion and understanding.
Because the truth is:
You are not broken. You are not lazy. You are not failing.
You are simply meeting the tender edges of your own humanity, and that’s part of the process.
Why We Sometimes Get in Our Own Way
Even after setting clear goals, building strong habits, and creating supportive systems, you might still feel stuck. You might find yourself hesitating, procrastinating, avoiding, or doubting your worth. This isn’t weakness. It’s a protective instinct, an old pattern trying to keep you safe.
Here are some common ways self-sabotage can quietly show up:
Procrastination: Delaying the very thing your heart longs to do—not from laziness, but from fear of failure or disappointment.
Perfectionism: Setting impossibly high standards, then freezing before you even begin.
Negative Self-Talk: Hearing the whisper that says you’re not enough, right as you’re about to step forward.
Avoidance: Keeping busy, numbing out, or distracting yourself to avoid uncomfortable feelings.
Doubting Your Worth: Questioning whether you deserve to succeed, to be seen, or to have what you truly want.
Self-sabotage isn't a flaw, it's often self-protection in disguise.
A younger part of you learned that it felt safer to stay small than to risk vulnerability.
Today, we start to meet those parts with tenderness instead of shame.
Listening Beneath the Resistance
When we pause and listen underneath the procrastination, perfectionism, or doubt, we often find deeper stories:
Fear of failure: "What if I give my all and it still isn't enough?"
Fear of success: "What if everything changes and I lose control?"
Perfectionism: "If it can’t be perfect, it’s not worth doing."
Low self-worth: "Maybe this dream isn’t meant for someone like me."
Imposter syndrome: "Soon they'll realize I’m not good enough."
Old trauma responses: "Visibility felt dangerous before—maybe it still is."
When we name these fears, we take away their hidden power. We create space to move differently, with more awareness, more compassion.
A Gentle Practice: Compassionate Awareness
Try This: Close your eyes for a moment and bring to mind a recent moment of hesitation or resistance.
Ask yourself gently:
What was I feeling in my body?
What was I telling myself in that moment?
What was I trying to protect myself from?
Place your hand over your heart. Breathe.
Whisper to yourself:
"I’m doing the best I can. It’s okay to move slowly. It’s okay to take small, kind steps."
This is how we begin, not by forcing change, but by creating enough safety within ourselves to allow it.
Why Even Good Change Can Feel Scary
From a neuroscience perspective, growth is interpreted by the brain as a form of risk. The unfamiliar, no matter how beautiful can trigger old survival patterns. Even when you’re reaching for something wonderful, like a dream job or a fulfilling relationship, your nervous system might quietly pump the brakes because it’s new... and new can feel unsafe.
This is what Gay Hendricks calls the "Upper Limit Problem" in her book The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level (2009). It is that invisible ceiling we hit when life gets too good, and old fears resurface.
You’re not self-sabotaging because you don’t want success. You’re protecting yourself the only way you’ve known. And now, you’re ready to learn new ways, to feel safe in expansion, not just survival.
Here’s how we begin creating new safety within growth:
Name It
Awareness softens fear’s grip. Naming procrastination, perfectionism, or avoidance invites understanding, not shame.
Validate the Emotion
Tell yourself: "It’s okay that I feel this way. It makes sense. I’m human."
Create Inner Safety
Soothing practices like deep breathing, gentle movement, or grounding touch can teach your nervous system that expansion is safe.
Take Micro-Actions
Shrink the next step until it feels laughably small. One email draft. One stretch. One sentence.
Reconnect to Your ‘Why’
Remember the deeper reason beneath your goals, the version of you that you’re becoming. Let that vision gently pull you forward.
Final Reflection: Building True Momentum
Real momentum doesn’t come from pushing harder. It comes from partnering with yourself, with your body, your heart, your nervous system.
Progress isn’t about perfection…it’s about compassion.
Growth doesn’t demand speed…it asks for presence.
Healing isn’t about erasing fear…it’s about walking with it, gently.
You’re not failing.
You’re learning to stay with yourself.
And that, more than any goal you set, is the real success.
Take a moment to explore this free Emotional Barriers & Self-Sabotage Mini Toolkit
Pause and listen to this guided visualization for " Walking with yourself", creating inner safety, releasing old patterns, moving forward with compassion
🌟 Want to Dive Deeper?
If this post resonated with you, be sure to tune into 🎧 Podcast Episode #5: Resolutions That Get Results – Emotional Barriers & Self-Sabotage: How to Build Long-Term Momentum.
Inside the episode, we explore even more real-life examples, mindset shifts, and grounding practices to help you move through resistance with compassion and courage.
Until next time,
Stay rooted in self-kindness. Stay open to your becoming. Stay loyal to your heart.
With so much care,
Julie
The Integrative Counsellor
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