Breaking Free from External Pressures: Setting Goals That Truly Align with What Matters Most
- julieannecaterini
- Apr 27
- 5 min read
Updated: 6 days ago
Why Motivation Often Fades
If you’ve ever set a goal with the best of intentions, only to find your motivation slipping away within the first few weeks, you’re not alone. Real change isn’t about pushing harder, it’s about aligning more deeply.
Motivation is unreliable. Some days we feel unstoppable. Other days, we’d rather stay under the covers, overwhelmed by the sheer weight of expectations, ours and everyone else's. We’re often taught to blame ourselves when motivation dips. We label it laziness, lack of willpower, or weakness.
But what if the real issue isn’t motivation itself? What if the real issue is misalignment?
When our goals are shaped by "shoulds" those external pressures, societal norms, or the quiet but persistent voices of others, we lose touch with our own voice. We find ourselves chasing milestones that don’t nourish us. Achieving things that don’t fulfill us.
Here’s how it plays out:
External (Extrinsic) Motivation comes from outside expectations: society's standards, curated social media feeds, family traditions. It sounds like, "I should do this to be accepted," or "I need to achieve this to be worthy."
Internal (Intrinsic) Motivation arises from within, from your values, your passions, your unique why. It feels like a gentle pull rather than a hard push. It’s fueled by curiosity, joy, and a deep connection to what matters
When we’re led by internal motivation, we’re not forcing ourselves forward. We’re moving in alignment with who we are becoming. This shift, from chasing what’s expected to choosing what’s true, is where real, sustainable change begins. When our goals come from a place of truth, we move with more clarity and less resistance. Not from pressure, but from purpose.
Ask yourself:
Did I choose this goal because I truly want it?
Does it reflect who I am and what I value?
Does it feel achievable, supportive, and life-giving?
Your Core Values: The Compass for Aligned Goals
Here’s the truth: Goals that don’t align with your values will always feel like friction. You might start strong, but somewhere along the way, it begins to feel heavy. You lose momentum. Not because you're failing, but because something inside you is asking to be heard. Your values are your inner compass, quiet, steady, wise. They reflect what deeply matters to you and point you toward the path that feels like home.
Take a moment. Ask yourself: What do I value most right now?
Freedom – Do I crave spaciousness and autonomy?
Stability – Am I seeking grounding, consistency, or security?
Connection – Do I long for meaningful relationships and community?
Creativity – Am I drawn to expression, imagination, or innovation?
Maybe your core values also include authenticity, growth, adventure, or compassion.
There’s no right answer. Only your answer.
Look at your current goals.
Do they reflect what matters to you now?
If not, what small shift would bring them closer to your heart?
Use the free Goals in Alignment Exercise to see how closely your current path reflects your deeper values.
When we let our values lead, our goals stop feeling like obligations. They become invitations. If something feels off, honour that. You’re allowed to pivot. You’re allowed to choose again. When we understand what truly drives us, whether it's external pressure or internal desire, we can begin to set goals that are not just impressive, but deeply meaningful.
But even with this awareness, it’s easy to get caught in surface-level intentions without realizing it.
This is where The Why Test becomes a powerful tool.
Originally adapted from the Japanese business technique developed by Sakichi Toyoda (founder of Toyota), "The Five Whys" was first used as a problem-solving approach to identify the root cause of manufacturing issues. By repeatedly asking "why?" after each response, Toyoda believed one could drill down to the real issue, beneath the surface-level symptoms.
Here’s how it helps:
Clarifies Intentions: You move beyond what you think you should want, toward what you genuinely need and value.
Strengthens Motivation: When you deeply understand why a goal matters, your intrinsic motivation grows stronger, making it easier to persist through challenges.
Increases Fulfillment: Goals aligned with your deeper truths provide greater satisfaction and a meaningful sense of purpose when accomplished.
Using "The Why Test" regularly allows you to live a more intentional, aligned life, where your actions and goals truly resonate with your innermost values and desires.
Here is what it would look like:
Example 1: Weight Loss
Why do you want to lose weight? Because I want to feel more confident in my own skin.
Why do you want to feel more confident? Because I’m tired of hiding parts of myself.
Why are you tired of hiding? Because I want to show up fully, without feeling like I have to shrink or apologize for who I am.
Why is showing up fully important to you? Because for too long, I’ve made myself smaller just to feel accepted.
Why do you want that to change? Because I’m ready to step into my life with strength, self-acceptance, and an open heart.
The real goal isn’t weight loss. It’s self-expression. Visibility. Freedom.
Example 2: Career Ambition
Why do you want a promotion? Because I want to earn more.
Why do you want to earn more? Because I want financial freedom.
Why do you want financial freedom? Because I want more time with my family.
Why is that important? Because I don’t want to miss the moments that matter.
Why now? Because my values have shifted, connection means more than climbing.
The real goal isn’t status. It’s presence. Time. A life that aligns with what matters.
Pick a current goal.
Ask "Why do I want this?" five times.
Follow the thread.
What do you discover?
When your answer gives you chills or makes your chest soften, you’ve found it. That’s your why. Let it lead.
Dig Deeper beyond the surface with our "Why" Test Exercise below.
Final Thoughts: The Power of Aligned Goals
You don’t need more discipline. You need alignment.
So ask yourself today:
What am I chasing that no longer belongs to me?
And what would it feel like to choose something that does?
Let your next goal not be the one that impresses others, but the one that honours your heart. The one that feels like truth.
Enjoy a Free 4-minute visualization exercise for Anchoring into your Aligned Future.
Want to dive even deeper into this topic?
This blog post is just the beginning! If you’re craving a more in-depth exploration including real-life examples, extra tips, and a little encouragement to help you stay the course, then tune into the full podcast episode that inspired this post.
🎙 Listen to [Podcast Episode #2 Breaking Free from External Pressures: Setting Goals That Truly Align with what matters most
Until next time,
Stay grounded in your growth. Stay kind to your journey. Stay connected to your truth.
With heart, Julie
The Integrative Counsellor
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